There, I said it. Until about thirty minutes ago, I would have never said anything like that… but it’s finally come to the point where flying is no longer an activity fit for humans who intend to maintain a minimum level of dignity—or sanity.

Over the last hour, I have been the subject of a sequence of events worthy of a Ben Stiller movie: first, I was placed in the wrong line for just long enough to miss the cut-off for my flight. Then, after twenty-five minutes in line, I was told that, despite the fact that I had purchased a ticket from United, the flight was operated by Air Canada and I had to check in at their counter. This wasn’t mentioned on the ticket, in the confirmation e-mail, or anywhere else—it’s a bit like being invited to a party by Peter and then finding him acting all surprised when you show up his door because you didn’t know that the party was, in fact, at Paul’s house. Apparently, air travel is now reserved for psychics.

And so, I missed my flight. Ah, well. There’s another flight, and it’s “only” three and a half hours away. But that’s OK—because one has to redo the line at the other airline (Air Canada, whose ground personnel is to customer support what McDonald’s is to Le Cuisinier Royal) so that he can get booked on the later flight. Obviously, United will gladly sell my the flights… and then stop bothering with me. And, of course, Air Canada now claims that it’s my fault I’m late, and will happily take an extra $75 (plus tax, of course) so that I can sit on an economy seat that won’t recline.

And the most ironic part of all is that these airlines all manage—at least in Canada—to stay afloat not because their business model affords them to, but because of the ridiculous subsidies, benefits, tax breaks and protectionist advantages that they enjoy, courtesy of my tax money. I once stood fifteen feet from Robert Milton and heard him say—and I quote, because it’s so preposterous that it stuck in my mind—that Air Canada “didn’t ask to acquire Canadian Airlines. We were forced to by the government.”

No wonder these people have no respect for their customers. That’s not where they make their money.